hot yoga and spiritual awakening

So...I sometimes wonder if I am crazy, seeking God in other forms of meditation, especially those that place your body in strain.

Yesterday I participated in Bikram Yoga for the second time. The main thing for me is--I can't hear someone talking, telling me what to do and feel comfortable. I feel like I am being given directions, and failing miserably at accomplishing them. I guess, the biggest frustration si just the unknown.

Anyways, in the midst of taking directions I just sat down, and tried to focus on something while sitting in the hot room. The postures I am sure help, but my mind was in a whirlwind. Somehow between walkign in with only one worry or care, I sat there flooded with about 15 different concerns on my mind, none of them going away, and all of them making me dizzy.

Now, I am not going to say that I know really anything about Bikram Yoga, but I am told after your 3rd session in a row, you begin to be more at ease. I haed a panic attack. Seriously.

I didn't have a spititual awakening as I sat there with the sweat dripping from me, pooling at my feet, but I did have a spiritual frightening. I began to think of all the people involved in my worries, my cares. It was utterly fantastic to have time to think, but it also brought a lot of pain to the surface of my thoughts.

I realized some people are truly heinous, seeking evil means to an evil plot, without a care for how they get there. I still think this is a product of the "entitlement" generation, but I am realizing more and more that the tntitelment generation is not the teens today, but rather their parents. Those teens that you encounter that feel entitlement are only fed this lie through their parent's teaching, actions, and words. So, in the end, the entitlement of the teenagers is only because they have been modeled it by their parents.

The second thing I realized is this: people do not care what you bring to the table. They only care how to remove you from it if they are part of the entitlement generation and if you stand in their way for something--and it doesn't have to be a greater thing on the other side.

So, if anyone is interested in hot yoga, I do plan to go back. Just as soon as I learn these positions without having to watch others and I can do them without the sweat dripping from my body. And the swirl of emotions in my head.

"intellectual ministry"

currently i am serving as an "intellectual minister" (see dr. namsoon kang)

i work as a teacher, and i do actually love it. the students are just as crazy as any youth group, and their dreams are just as big.

recently, one of my students who I taught last year asked me if I had an opinion on "ecclesia" beyond "the church". I was able to do a quick word study, respond to her quickly, and I realized something in it: my students teach me more.

The intellectual ministry I feel I am called to, is because they also hold the intellectual ministry call--to push their teachers further.